Thanks to Reformed Catholic, Bill and Mac for their contributions to our Sappy Christmas Song! Here's the current version:It’s the eleventh hour on Christmas Eve,
the north pole stars are all a’twinkle.
But Santa Claus just looks like hell
as he wishes for Rip Van Winkle.
He lost all his operating capital
from trusting CFO elves Fannie and Freddy.
Paulson turned him down with an evil sneer
Now at midnight he won’t be ready!
Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!
The other elves have gone on strike
Because he cannot pay them.
There's no more food the reindeer like
How will he ever feed them?
And Mrs. Claus is crying there
In a big heap upon the stair
Oh Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!
Santa's credit line, is all used up
he has no recourse waiting.
The picket line is keeping his
deliveries from mailing.
The Teamsters will not cross the line,
it looks like its scab hiring time.
Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!
Fred forgot to winterize
Santa’s sleigh this season,
The reins are stuck, the seats are cracked,
the runners they are freezin’.
De-icing fluid we can’t find
because of strikes at the potash mine,
O Santa sleigh, filled with gifts, you ain’t going nowhere.
Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!
Oh, orders from the USA,
They surely are a-tumblin’.
The kiddies and their parents, too,
Have taken to a-grumblin’.
Transferred jobs to cheaper elves,
And bank accounts now gone to…well,
Ol’ Nick had better recognize
Out-sourcin’ can be humblin’.
Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank
My 401 is failing!
Will Santa be bailed out? On what terms? Will the government take shares in Santa's Workshop, Inc.? And what about Santa's contract with the Brotherhood of Elves? Or will Christmas...(sob!)...not come this year? Add your lyrics in the comments and check back for updates!
So Santa took a ride to buy
ReplyDeleteA drink to numb his noggin
But he drove by a cheesy sight
And soon he was a sobbin'
In someone's yard, quite full of snow,
He saw a sight that made him slow
(to finish S.O.'s):
ReplyDeleteCash overflowed from a leather bag
after a meth house's bust forgot that swag.
(new verse)
Now Santa's hired laid off folks,
to deliver all the gifts
Though the elves suits were not their size,
And not a comfy fit.
By noon on Christmas Day now,
Santa's sipping brandied hot choc-o-late,
Flipping through the MLS,
looking for retirement real estate.
Okay, clearly I am not clever enough to play but I am having fun reading this!
ReplyDeleteWord veri=hotrophe.
Will there be a hot trophy for the best verse?
That great old tune, O Tannebaum,
ReplyDeleteis ringing through the city
Its Christmas Day, and while kids play,
Mrs Santa says, "no self-pity !!"
Get on that Sleigh, and head due south,
To Washington and get bailed out.
With Santa waiting on his bailout, We're all left to shop at Walmart
ReplyDeleteMoms tell their kids "without a doubt,
your grand dreams you'll have to part.
With our all savings down the tubes,
Expect no more Wiis or Game Cubes."