Showing posts with label Mom of Congress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mom of Congress. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Mom of Congress: The Massachusetts Senate Race

The Mom of Congress has been following the Massachusetts Senate race. Last night she watched Martha Coakley's concession speech and Scott Brown's acceptance speech on TV. Here are her conclusions:

Martha Coakley seems to be an attractive candidate and gave a gracious concession speech. Her loss was less about her personally, and more about disgust with Congress.

Scott Brown is clearly one of the best campaigners in either party that has come along in a long time. Mom of Congress could not help but note that his two lovely daughters are a lot like her two lovely daughters: one very tall brunette and one not-quite-so-tall blonde.

Mom of Congress predicts that Scott Brown will give the Republican response to the President's State of the Union Address. Betcha! He's a Senator to watch.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Mom of Congress: Opening Day Assignments

Dear Congress Boys and Girls,

CongressMom hopes that you enjoyed your August break, even though some of you had a better time than others. I have been getting everything ready for the first day of the new session.

CongressMom was saddened to hear that some of you exhibited very poor deportment over the break. Shelia Jackson Lee, I am talking to YOU! Hand me that cell phone right now. When you return, you are to report directly to the Time Out Room for the first week of the session.

Now, it has also come to my attention that a big clique has formed and will not work with those who are not in the clique. This is not acceptable behavior in Congress, boys and girls! We have to learn to work together and co-operate. Can you say "CO-OPERATE"? It is a big word, boys and girls, but it is a very important word.

CongressMom needs to teach each of you the meaning of that word, so when you return you will have assigned seats and be divided into groups to write your bills. The health care reform bills you wrote in the last session were so poorly written that poor CongressMom could not understand them, so she threw them away. You are going to have to start over boys and girls!

Each group will have liberals, moderates and conservatives and you will be expected to learn how to work together and write a bill that everyone in the group can agree on no matter how long it takes. Pay attention when you write that bill because you will be tested to see how much of it you remember after your group turns it in. Yes, that means you are expected to read it. All of it.

Enjoy the rest of your recess,

Mom of Congress

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Tea Party and Taxes


BFF Dorothy sent me this photo from today's Sugar Land Tea Party. I would SO have been there with her if not for the recuperation. Dang.

In principle, I am happy to pay taxes to the federal government. In practice, El Jefe and I filed our 120 page horrendously complicated tax return today.

This is so wrong on so many levels. The tax code is insane and as are the spending and bailouts of the past couple of years. Both the previous and the current administrations and Congress are to blame.

The accountants provided a helpful two page summary of this magnum opus. I noted that our Domestic Production Activities deduction increased 50% over last year. Pray tell, what does that mean? Did I cook 50 % more? Buy 50% more stuff for the house? What?

It is in fact time for change.

P.S. I am feeling better this evening. Many thanks for the prayers, good wishes and to John Edward Harris for the "cyber anointing"!

Monday, March 30, 2009

Mom of Congress: Uncle Jay's News Word of the Week

Dear Congress Boys and Girls,

It's time to catch up on the news! Our special guest today is Uncle Jay explaining the News Word of the Week--"MADNESS".

Listen up and take careful notes because it will be on this week's test.


Mom of Congress




Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Mom Of Congress: Field Trip to IRS Today!

Memo to: Congress Boys and Girls
From: CongressMom
Re: Today's Field Trip to the IRS

Boys and Girls, CongressMom is very sad and disappointed. President Obama sent a note home telling me that some of you are not conscientiously doing your chores. The President says you seem to think that you don't have to follow the rules that you write for everyone else and are setting a very bad example for the rest of the class--er, country.

So CongressMom has decided to take all of you on a field trip. To the Internal Revenue Service. A fleet of my mini-vans (energy efficient hybrids!) will pick you up at your offices at 11 am this morning.

Our program will begin with a presentation by the Commissioner on your responsibility for paying taxes. It will be followed with a presentation by El Jefe who will demonstrate the mountains of tax schedules he fills out each year as a self-employed individual and show why it is that he, a trained attorney, is unable to complete these forms without paying a CPA to help him.

Afterwards you will be assigned to a small groups by state where discussion will be led by a taxpayer from your state. The topic for discussion is: Those Who Write The Tax Laws Must Abide By Them. Actually, YOU won't get to discuss. Just listen and take notes.

We'll break for lunch which you will have in the IRS Time Out Room. No talking during lunch, Boys and Girls! The IRS will serve you Hard Crusts of Regret that you can soften in their famous Gruel of Repentence.

Then each of you will have your own personal interview with an IRS Agent, so be sure to bring your tax records and receipts for the past 10 years. Oh, and don't forget your checkbooks!

CongressMom hopes that everyone will be paid in full by the end of the day because anyone who is still delinquent in their tax obligations will not be coming back to Congress with us. The IRS has special plans for those Boys and Girls. Trust me, you don't want to find out what they are. And don't think that whining to the President will save you. He's really disgusted.

CongressMom's vans will be at the foot of the Congressional Office Buildings at 11 am sharp. Be there on time, Boys and Girls! Or else the Commissioner will send his special agents to find you.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Mom of Congress: Reporting For Duty


With all the excitement in the media over tomorrow's inauguration, you are probably wondering what the Mom of Congress is doing.

I'm resting up at home, conserving my strength for what promises to be a very busy legislative season in Washington. Already a division is appearing between some Democrats and the new President's policies vis-a-vis the economy which may require CongressMom's intervention if a food fight ensues.

Although there have been requests for CongressMom to intervene in the impeachment fight between the Illinois Senate and Governor, they have been refused. Unlike Congress, the Supreme Court and the Executive Branch, CongressMom has a sense of proper jurisdiction and boundaries and must set a good example. But I must say, I am sorely tempted! CongressMom's powers are limited to the discipline and training of the Congress of the United States. I must keep my focus.

To that end, I am collecting several Time Out Chairs and looking for an appropriate Time Out Room in the Capitol. Specifications for the room include: no TV access, no wireless for the Blackberries, no IPods, and lots of blank wall space for the Congresspeople to stare at until they are ready to return to the floor and work well with others.

The virtual Texas Towncar of Justice is in the shop, getting an oil change, new tires and extra back seats installed so that squabbling CongressPeople can be separated while transporting them to and from the Time Out Room.

Meanwhile, I thank President Bush for his service to the country and for keeping us safe from attack since 9/11. I pray that President Obama's administration will successfully address our country's foreign and domestic policy challenges over the next four years, because we are all in this together despite our political differences.

Now I have to start packing. Where are those Mom jeans, the Martha Stewart-button down shirt and the loafers? And the stickers. Can't forget the stickers.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

CongressMom Returns


QG has been forced to leave her recovery bed and don her Mom of Congress persona by reports that Congress is holding hearings trying to decide whether Roger Clemens or his trainer is lying about alleged steroid use by the baseball legend enough years ago that the statute of limitations bars any prosecution by authorities.

Ok, CongressGuys and Gals, listen up. What the fireplace? You are embarrassing yourselves and your families with this spectacle. Your assistants are begging autographs from your star witness and telling him that they know he'll go to heaven. You are mugging shamelessly for the cameras while trying to act like the Prosecutor-in-Chief. CongressMom finds this behavior unacceptable.

The last time CongressMom checked, you are members of a legislative body, not a judicial one. You don't have the power to prosecute anyone. If the Justice Department has an investigation on this issue going, you have royally screwed it up.

As CongressMom always says: CongressPersons should be seen doing their work responsibly and not heard all over the media making fools of themselves showing that they don't understand the parameters of their jobs. There is real work to be done for the country.

Now, hand me those baseballs you got the Rocket to autograph for you, then go back to your offices and write sixty-eleventy times on your computer:

It's not my job.

It's not my job.


It's not my job!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Weekend TSA Follies


El Jefe and I are back from a little weekend jaunt that involved air travel. Along the way, we observed some Transportation Safety Administration practices that seem, well, just plain foolish, mean, insensitive or inhumane.

Herewith a summary:

1. We were directed to go through what I assume is an experiemental detector at one airport. It's not like a metal detector. Instead of walking through it, you stop while jets of air puff around you. Then you wait for about 30 seconds before the door opens and you can move through it. This takes a significantly longer time to clear than the ordinary metal detector so it will doubtless increase waiting time to get through security if everyone has to go through it. There was no explanation offered, so I don't know what advantage it presumably offers over your ordinary metal detector.

2. While waiting to board, we got into a conversation with an attractive woman toting some pecan pies from a Houston restaurant to take home for Thanksgiving. She was still irate over her treatment by the TSA that morning. It seems that she called the agency in advance and asked if (or how) she could carry a couple of quarts of bourbon sauce that goes with the pies onboard. She said she was assured that would be ok if they were in marked containers from the restaurant. At the security checkpoint, however, the TSA agents confiscated them and teased her saying, "we're sure going to enjoy this!" El Jefe suggested that she should have poured it out rather than give it up to them. But hindsight is always 20/20.

3. We saw an elderly woman, head and spine bent almost double with arthritis, struggling to maintain her balance on a cane while undergoing a body search before being allowed to resume her seat in the wheelchair. The poor thing couldn't raise her head at all. Come on, people, this is stu-pid and seems inhumane.

4. Our flight was delayed for takeoff at one airport for about half an hour after we boarded. Finally the flight attendants announced that the TSA notified them that a passenger who had already boarded the plane must return to security for additional procedures. What? His wife and daughter and luggage were already on the plane. Time passed. The flight attendants, obviously frustrated, told us that the TSA refused to send an official to the gate (which was at the end of the terminal) and insisted that the passenger come all the way back to them. More time passed. Then a young Asian woman (Filipino or Malayasian would be my guess) and her toddler daughter came down the aisle with their luggage. Tears were streaming silently down her face. The flight attendants apologized for the delay and we took off. El Jefe and I assumed that because of other passengers' connecting flights, the young family was either given the choice of continuing without dad or getting off the plane.

Really, y'all, our country can do better than this! Another job for the Mom of Congress.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Total Momsense

I'm thinking that with a little tweaking of the lyrics, this would make a perfect theme song for my Mom of Congress campaign.

Waddaya think?

Thanks to Cathy Stevens for the tip.


Monday, February 26, 2007

Power, Faith, and Fantasy: America in the Middle East


As the unofficial “Mom of Congress”, QG has a reading assignment for all representatives and Senators: Power, Faith and Fantasy: America in the Middle East 1776 to the Present by Michael B. Oren.

Too many of the Congresspersons yakking in front of the microphones in the current debates over the course of the war in Iraq are displaying woeful ignorance of the history of America’s involvement with this region. It didn’t begin with Bush 41 or Bush 43 or Clinton or Reagan or Carter. America’s relationship with the Middle East has been complex and difficult since before the establishment of the republic. The author of Power, Faith and Fantasy Michael Oren has degrees in Middle East history from Columbia and Princeton and has been a lecturer on the subject at Harvard and Yale. As a resident of Jerusalem, where he is senior fellow at the Shalem Center, Oren has lived the subject. He knows whereof he writes.

QG hereby adjorns Congress until she has received book reports from all members. This will take a while because the book has 604 pages of text and 174 pages of footnotes and index. There will be an oral exam to make sure the reports were not written by Congressional aides and pages. The country shouldn’t mind being spared the politically motivated speeches and sound bites from Democrats and Republicans alike in the current debate over the war in Iraq in the interest of giving some historical perspective to our policymakers.

Actually, this book is a must read for anyone who cares about America’s foreign policy in the Middle East. Much of this history is not remembered today, but it has a profound impact on the current situation.

Did you know that….

 The adoption of the Constitution, which established a strong central government with the authority to create, maintain and deploy military forces for the common defense, came as a response to the inability of the government under the Articles of Confederation to respond to the hostage-taking and enslavement of American sailors aboard American merchant vessels trading in the Middle East?

 Biblical scholar and distinguished professor of Hebrew at New York University George Bush (yes, a forebear of Bush 41 and 43!) was a leader in the antebellum movement to restore the Jews to Palestine?

 The earliest efforts to build ties between Christians and Muslims in Africa were made by African-American Presbyterian missionary, and later Ambassador to Great Britain from Liberia, the Rev. Edward Wilmot Blyden during the period before the Civil War?

 Egypt’s military forces were built up and trained by a group of ex-Confederate officers in the post- bellum period? Remember the Camel Corps?

 The Statue of Liberty was originally intended to be a statue of a Muslim peasant woman guarding the entrance to the Suez Canal and would have been named “Egypt Bringing Light to Asia”?

 Until the modern period, the Middle East IMPORTED American oil and kerosene?

 Col. Norman Schwarzkopf, father of the General of the same name and Desert Storm fame, was responsible for modernizing Iran’s police force as head of a United States law enforcement mission in that country in 1945?

I didn’t think so. I didn’t either.

PresbyReaders will be interested to see how often “Presbyterian” turns up in this history, as Presbyterian missionaries established modern universities and hospitals across the Middle East, although they made very few converts from Islam. These colleges were very influential in shaping the intellectual class and fostering their desire for independence from European colonial domination.

I’m usually a fast reader, but found myself pouring slowly over this book. It is written in a lively, narrative style, not an academic, pedantic one. The history of the US in the Middle East involves a fascinating cast of characters that makes for compelling reading.

The conflict between America’s idealistic goal of bringing its own founding principles of individual freedom and democracy to this part of the world and European colonialism in the area in the years between the Civil War and WWII is sharply highlighted. Oren makes the case that the failure of the United States to intervene in the genocide of the Christian Armenians by the Muslim Turks during WWI kept America from influencing the carving up of the Middle East into spheres of influence by the triumphant European Allies which set the stage for much of the political/cultural/religious conflicts in this area to the present day.

The last chapter of the book, "In Search of Pax Americana", dealing with the period since WWII, is not as good as the rest. Oren begins this chapter by noting that writing the history of the major events of the last thirty years is “hampered by lack of internal government documents—the bedrock of serious research—which are still classified and closed to the public.” Perhaps he was also rushed in completing it. There is an epilogue with an interview with a recently returned American soldier from Iraq who describes his experiences and says, "They (the Middle Eastern countries) can go the way of modernization or they can go the way of Sub-Saharan Africa. The choice is theirs."

The author predicts the US will continue to pursue the traditional patterns of Middle East involvement that have characterized its policy since the eighteenth century. Which is to say, policymakers will continue to see themselves as mediators and liberators; American churches and evangelists will seek to save the region spiritually; and producers of films about the Middle East will never lack for audiences. Finally, Oren warns that the withdrawal of American troops from Iraq “may merely herald the outbreak of other, potentially more devastating conflicts lasting long into the twenty-first century.”

This book helps answer the questions "why are we involved in the Middle East?" and "why do they hate us?" I highly recommend it, despite the weak final chapter.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Daylight Savings Time Alert


SURPRISE!


Daylight savings time begins NEXT MONTH on March 11! And will last until the first Sunday in November! Your congresspersons slipped this fast one by you back in August of 2005 when the Energy Policy Act passed.

Too bad QG wasn't Mom of Congress at the time.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

QG for Mom of Congress

If you're like me, you can't stand listening to any more namecalling, fingerpointing, lying and general demagogery from Congresspersons of both political parties on the subjects of illegal immigration, the war in Iraq, and rising gas prices. They're acting like spoiled brats. Then it came to me: Congress needs a MOM! So I decided to run for the position.

If elected as Mom of Congress, I pledge to:

--take away their press conference and microphone privileges until they can prove they have actually read, studied and understood all aspects of these issues,

--send them to their rooms without supper until they apologize for grandstanding and misleading the public,

--remove the blackberries, cellphones and laptops from their sweaty little hands until they promise not to communicate in sound bites,

-- ground them from lunches, dinners, golf games and "fact-finding trips" with lobbyists from industry and special interest groups of all types--and needless to say, there will be no sleepovers,

--ban C-Span from televising Congressional 24/7 until Congresspeople learn to set a good example for the other children,

--make them talk to voters in "fly-over" country and write a report about what average Americans think as opposed to what the New York/Washington media says they think,

--not permit them to watch the "talking heads" on NBC, CNBC, MSNBC, CBS, PBS, ABC or Fox News OR to read the talking points memos faxed to their offices by the RNC or the DNC,

--write 100 times on the blackboard "It's not about ME". No, wait, make that 500 times.

In the event the above tried-and-true remedies don't work, then I promise to show up at their next Congressional session in my most embarrasing MOM outfit. The one Portia and Babs hated the most. YES! The bright pink and orange, rick-rack covered tiered Fiesta Dress with matching painted wooden earrings in the shape of a fruit basket. I know, I know--it's harsh, but sometimes a Mom has to practice Tough Love.

After I've whipped Congress into shape, then maybe I'll try running for Mom of the PCUSA.