Friday, September 11, 2009

Friday Fun: Pet Rapture Insurance

You know, what with trying to follow the health care reform controversies in the news, the beginning of BSD, planning to move The Diva to her new abode in Houston and the coming of the Inconvenient Cold, I have totally forgotten to make provision for Beatrice and Olivia when the Rapture occurs.

Think about it. When we're all RAPTURED, who will care for our pets who will be LEFT BEHIND???? There's nothing in scripture that says our pets get to come with us. Now, I know there are some of you who will tell the Angel Gabriel at the last trump that you aren't going if Fluffy and Fido can't come too, but let's be realistic. If you are pre-destined to be raptured, you're going to be raptured. Fluffy and Fido are not.

Hat tip to Houston Chronicle blogger Jill Carroll for solving our dilemma--Eternal Earth Bound Pets USA provides for your peace of mind by offering Rapture Insurance for your pets.

For a mere $110 one-time premium, Eternal Earth Bound Pets will guarantee a forever home with a loving atheist (who of course will also be Left Behind) if the Rapture takes you within 10 years of your payment date. For a small additional fee of $15 each, you can insure multiple cats, dogs, birds, rabbits and small caged mammals. Sorry, no reptiles or amphibians are covered.

Unfortunately, at this time no pet-loving atheists in Texas have registered with EEBP so this insurance is not available here yet. If you live in Texas and have a pet-loving atheist friend who would take good care of Beatrice and Olivia, let me know!


reverendmother said...

What's really interesting about that site is that there doesn't seem to be the slightest hint of scorn (unlike some of the trolls at Jill's blog). It's fascinating.

I mean, they obviously believe that they are getting something for nothing here, but I don't detect even a whiff of hucksterism... do you?

The price is low enough that I bet they get some takers.

Quotidian Grace said...


I agree with you about the site. It's perfectly straightforward.

There are some other sites (oh yes there are!) that are snarky and more expensive.

Jane Ellen+ said...

*Laughs, and shakes head in amazement.*

Just... wow.

Quotidian Grace said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ROBERTA said...

a friend sent me that site several days ago and i kept thinking, "is this a joke?" and "this is a joke, isn't it?"....but it is valid. and if your belief system includes this fear for your pets, it just might bring some comfort and relief.

zorra said...

Yesterday I sent a link to Jill Carroll's article to a coworker and friend who IS a pet-loving atheist, advising her that she need look no further for her true calling. She says she is half-tempted to inquire about a Texas franchise...

sherry said...

My daughter is a pet loving atheist and we just live right around the corner in the New Orleans area....I am sure that for that price Myra would give you a guarantee about the future of Beatrice and Olivia.

word verification: gonie

Presbyterian Gal said...

I have seen this about the etherwebs this month. You know, as crazy as these times are, I suspect there will be equally crazy business ideas coming up. And I be they will all actually make money.

I say it's time we Christians start selling indulgences again!!

Mac said...

We are kept by cats, so won't need the insurance. I mean, we know that untold millenia ago, man domesticated the dog. But we are also discovering that it was not until man settled down, planted crops and stored the produce in granaries--providing a smogasbord for mice--that the cat domesticated itself.

I imagine the evening meow went something like this:

"Awright, listen up. We're gonna have to sacrifice. Let 'em scratch you behind the ears and on the tummy for a few minutes. Sleep 18 hours at a time next to the fire. Purr occasionally."

"Then, head for the barn and chow down on some delicious moussies."

Now, do you really think that Peter can keep them out? I am almost certain that when God gets to work in the morning and mounts the steps to the great judgment seat, there is a cat curled up on the cushion. The cat yawms, stretches and says Oh, surely, you don't expect me to move!"

Nope--no insurance needed.