The 2008 Sappy Awards

~sound of orchestra playing "White Christmas"~

(QG enters stage left, goes to the podium and
begins the 2008 Sappy Awards Ceremony.)

Thank you, thank you! Gentle Readers and Lurkers, today I am pleased to announce the awards in QG's Third Annual Sappy Christmas Song competition. We are grateful to everyone who participated in creating this year's Sappy Christmas Song, which is surely the best one yet! Santa's Bailout is not only timely, sentimental--and thanks to a last-minute challenge--very sappy.

So without further ado--the envelopes, please!

The Who You Gonna Call? Award goes to Presbyterian Gal for responding to our request that she contribute the first stanza of the 2008 song with a financial bailout theme. She also gets the award for contributing key verses that moved the "plot" along when it seemed to be flagging. Well done, PG!

Key Players Awards go to Bill, and Singing Owl for outstanding individual contributions to this year's opus.

The Like Mother, Like Daughter award goes to Averill (known here at QG as Portia) for joining in with her own stanza!

Stushie submitted his own unique Sappy Christmas Song in the comments to this post to the tune of "Little Drummer Boy." He is hereby given the Holistic Song Parodist Award with crossed drumstick clusters.
Parum-pa-pum-pum!

QG had to create a new category in order to give special recognition to Mac ("once a Marine, always a Marine"), who not only submitted his own contribution, but issued a challenge near the end of the contest that elicited the sappiest stanza of them all. The "Listen UP" Award goes to Mac for keeping the focus on the sappy.

And finally, there is one whose contributions were so outstanding that QG has decided to knight him. He not only wrote several stanzas, but created the refrain and met Mac's challenge.

Reformed Catholic, please come forward and kneel.

I dub thee Sappy Lyricist Extraordinaire. From henceforth you shall be known as Sir RC, S.L.E. by QG. Our virtual hats are off to you!

~wild applause~

Let's join in singing R.C.'s refrain:

O Citibank, O Citibank
My 401 is failing!

Thanks for joining us today for the awards and plan to join us again next Christmas!

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming....

Sappy Christmas Song 2008--Postscript Stanza

In response to Mac's challenge that the song wasn't really sappy, Reformed Catholic composed a new closing stanza (see comments on the previous post!):

Santa woke on Christmas Eve
hungover like a sailor,
Mrs Claus was thrown in Jail,
for DUI test failure
Claus drank up all the bailout cash
and Rudolph smoked his entire stash

Oh woe is me OH woe is me
They repo'd my double wide trailer.

And THAT, Gentle Readers, is a truly sappy stanza in the style of "Please, Daddy, Don't Get Drunk For Christmas"!

Sappy Christmas Song 2008--Santa Needs a Bailout, Too

Gentle Readers, it is finished! Reformed Catholic provided the perfect closing stanzas to our song and I couldn't resist adding a stanza of my own.

QG's Sappy Christmas Song 2008 Awards will be posted Monday morning. Many thanks to all who participated this year!

And now, let's sing it all together...and a one and a two and a three:

Santa Needs a Bailout, Too

(Tune: O Christmas Tree or Tannenbaum)

It’s the eleventh hour on Christmas Eve,
the north pole stars are all a’twinkle.
But Santa Claus just looks like hell
as he wishes for Rip Van Winkle.
He lost all his operating capital
from trusting CFO elves Fannie and Freddy.
Paulson turned him down with an evil sneer
Now at midnight he won’t be ready!

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

The other elves have gone on strike
Because he cannot pay them.
There's no more food the reindeer like
How will he ever feed them?
And Mrs. Claus is crying there
In a big heap upon the stair

Oh Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Santa's credit line, is all used up
he has no recourse waiting.
The picket line is keeping his
deliveries from mailing.
The Teamsters will not cross the line,
it looks like its scab hiring time.

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Fred forgot to winterize
Santa’s sleigh this season,
The reins are stuck, the seats are cracked,
the runners they are freezin’.
De-icing fluid we can’t find
because of strikes at the potash mine,
O Santa sleigh, filled with gifts, you ain’t going nowhere.

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Oh, orders from the USA,
They surely are a-tumblin’.
The kiddies and their parents, too,
Have taken to a-grumblin’.
Transferred jobs to cheaper elves,
And bank accounts now gone to…well,
Ol’ Nick had better recognize
Out-sourcin’ can be humblin’.

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank
My 401 is failing!

So Santa took a ride to buy
A drink to numb his noggin
But he drove by a cheesy sight
And soon he was a sobbin'
In someone's yard, quite full of snow,
He saw a sight that made him slow
Cash overflowed from a leather bag
after a meth house's bust forgot that swag.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Now Santa's hired laid off folks,
to deliver all the gifts
Though the elves suits were not their size,
And not a comfy fit.
By noon on Christmas Day now,
Santa's sipping brandied hot choc-o-late,
Flipping through the MLS,
looking for retirement real estate.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

That great old tune, O Tannebaum,
is ringing through the city
Its Christmas Day, and while kids play,
Mrs Santa says, "no self-pity !!"
Get on that Sleigh, and head due south,
To Washington and get bailed out.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

With Santa waiting on his bailout,
We're all left to shop at Walmart
Moms tell their kids "without a doubt,
your grand dreams you'll have to part.
With our all savings down the tubes,
Expect no more Wiis or Game Cubes.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Politics...as usual
What else is new in D.C.
Concessions here, obfuscation there,
Another day in D.C.!
So Santa waits another hour
While kids expect a Lego tower.

O Citibank, O Citibank
My 401 is failing!

Sappy Christmas Song--Third Update

Our 2008 Sappy Christmas Song is really taking shape! Our newest stanzas are from Sappy Lyricists Singing Owl, Presbyterian Gal, Reformed Catholic and Averill (a/k/a Portia):

It’s the eleventh hour on Christmas Eve,
the north pole stars are all a’twinkle.
But Santa Claus just looks like hell
as he wishes for Rip Van Winkle.
He lost all his operating capital
from trusting CFO elves Fannie and Freddy.
Paulson turned him down with an evil sneer
Now at midnight he won’t be ready!

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

The other elves have gone on strike
Because he cannot pay them.
There's no more food the reindeer like
How will he ever feed them?
And Mrs. Claus is crying there
In a big heap upon the stair

Oh Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Santa's credit line, is all used up
he has no recourse waiting.
The picket line is keeping his
deliveries from mailing.
The Teamsters will not cross the line,
it looks like its scab hiring time.

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Fred forgot to winterize
Santa’s sleigh this season,
The reins are stuck, the seats are cracked,
the runners they are freezin’.
De-icing fluid we can’t find
because of strikes at the potash mine,
O Santa sleigh, filled with gifts, you ain’t going nowhere.

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Oh, orders from the USA,
They surely are a-tumblin’.
The kiddies and their parents, too,
Have taken to a-grumblin’.
Transferred jobs to cheaper elves,
And bank accounts now gone to…well,
Ol’ Nick had better recognize
Out-sourcin’ can be humblin’.

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank
My 401 is failing!

So Santa took a ride to buy
A drink to numb his noggin
But he drove by a cheesy sight
And soon he was a sobbin'
In someone's yard, quite full of snow,
He saw a sight that made him slow
Cash overflowed from a leather bag
after a meth house's bust forgot that swag.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Now Santa's hired laid off folks,
to deliver all the gifts
Though the elves suits were not their size,
And not a comfy fit.
By noon on Christmas Day now,
Santa's sipping brandied hot choc-o-late,
Flipping through the MLS,
looking for retirement real estate.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

That great old tune, O Tannebaum,
is ringing through the city
Its Christmas Day, and while kids play,
Mrs Santa says, "no self-pity !!"
Get on that Sleigh, and head due south,
To Washington and get bailed out.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

With Santa waiting on his bailout,
We're all left to shop at Walmart
Moms tell their kids "without a doubt,
your grand dreams you'll have to part.
With our all savings down the tubes,
Expect no more Wiis or Game Cubes.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

I sense a big surprise finish coming up! Who will write it? If you're inspired, leave your contribution in the comments. And if you're not--check back to see how the song develops.

Sappy Christmas Song--Second Update

Thanks to Reformed Catholic, Bill and Mac for their contributions to our Sappy Christmas Song! Here's the current version:

It’s the eleventh hour on Christmas Eve,
the north pole stars are all a’twinkle.
But Santa Claus just looks like hell
as he wishes for Rip Van Winkle.
He lost all his operating capital
from trusting CFO elves Fannie and Freddy.
Paulson turned him down with an evil sneer
Now at midnight he won’t be ready!

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

The other elves have gone on strike
Because he cannot pay them.
There's no more food the reindeer like
How will he ever feed them?
And Mrs. Claus is crying there
In a big heap upon the stair

Oh Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Santa's credit line, is all used up
he has no recourse waiting.
The picket line is keeping his
deliveries from mailing.
The Teamsters will not cross the line,
it looks like its scab hiring time.

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Fred forgot to winterize
Santa’s sleigh this season,
The reins are stuck, the seats are cracked,
the runners they are freezin’.
De-icing fluid we can’t find
because of strikes at the potash mine,
O Santa sleigh, filled with gifts, you ain’t going nowhere.

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Oh, orders from the USA,
They surely are a-tumblin’.
The kiddies and their parents, too,
Have taken to a-grumblin’.
Transferred jobs to cheaper elves,
And bank accounts now gone to…well,
Ol’ Nick had better recognize
Out-sourcin’ can be humblin’.

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank
My 401 is failing!

Will Santa be bailed out? On what terms? Will the government take shares in Santa's Workshop, Inc.? And what about Santa's contract with the Brotherhood of Elves? Or will Christmas...(sob!)...not come this year? Add your lyrics in the comments and check back for updates!

Sappy Christmas Song--First Update

Here's our song so far. What happens next? Add your lyrics in the comments! Remember the tune is "O Christmas Tree" (or "Tannenbaum").

It’s the eleventh hour on Christmas Eve,
the north pole stars are all a’twinkle.
But Santa Claus just looks like hell
as he wishes for Rip Van Winkle.
He lost all his operating capital from
trusting CFO elves Fannie and Freddy.
Paulson turned him down with an evil sneer
Now at midnight he won’t be ready!

The other elves have gone on strike
Because he cannot pay them.
There's no more food the reindeer like
How will he ever feed them?
And Mrs. Claus is crying there
In a big heap upon the stair