It's been more than a week since our retreat led by Dr. Paul Borden, but I'm still puzzling over some of the things he said. One of the examples he gave to illustrate his point about churches thinking too small was the practice of sharing prayer concerns during worship.
He was referring to a time in a worship service when members of the congregation are invited to speak out and ask for prayers for people or circumstances they are concerned about. Sometimes this includes praise to God for recovery from illness or other good things that happen in their lives. When I've seen this done it seemed to me that it emphasized the Christian fellowship and connectedness of the congregation as well as encouraging their Christian witness, and that would be a good thing and probably appealing to visitors.
Not so, says Borden. He thinks that this type of practice makes visitors feel uncomfortable and excluded from an intimate time of sharing between those who have relationships with each other. The more I thought about it, the more I thought he has a point when he says that this type of personal prayer request is better made in small groups or to an organized prayer ministry of the church. Yet on the other hand, it is hard to imagine a church eliminating this from their worship service without a giant kerfuffle ensuing.
This is just one example of the difficulty congregations will encounter if they really try to make the people who are not members (or do not attend) their priority rather than those who do. Today I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the prospect.
He was referring to a time in a worship service when members of the congregation are invited to speak out and ask for prayers for people or circumstances they are concerned about. Sometimes this includes praise to God for recovery from illness or other good things that happen in their lives. When I've seen this done it seemed to me that it emphasized the Christian fellowship and connectedness of the congregation as well as encouraging their Christian witness, and that would be a good thing and probably appealing to visitors.
Not so, says Borden. He thinks that this type of practice makes visitors feel uncomfortable and excluded from an intimate time of sharing between those who have relationships with each other. The more I thought about it, the more I thought he has a point when he says that this type of personal prayer request is better made in small groups or to an organized prayer ministry of the church. Yet on the other hand, it is hard to imagine a church eliminating this from their worship service without a giant kerfuffle ensuing.
This is just one example of the difficulty congregations will encounter if they really try to make the people who are not members (or do not attend) their priority rather than those who do. Today I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the prospect.
11 comments:
Ah, the old specter of elitism in a church consultant...
I'm not buying what he's selling.
So--sharing our prayers and our something of our lives in worship is frightening? What kind of visitors are these?
Congregations should be themselves. Don't put on false airs and don't fake something that you're not.
Example--small churches that 'go contemporary' to attract youg people with projectors...when the congregation itself still hasn't gotten over the passing of the Red Hymnal. It's just silly and visitors can smell the tactic a mile away!
I hope that I will never hear of another church that changed its worship because, "The consultant told us to." Bah!
In our church, the prayers are written down and passed to the ushers during one of the hymns, and then incorportaed into the prayers of the people as spoken by a pastor or elder. So that might eliminate the possibility of newbies feeling intimidated about speaking up due to a sense that others know what is going on with whom.
I can certainly understand that sharing of prayers might be off-putting to a visitor, particularly a visitor who doesn't usually attend church or attends a more, um, austere worship service. The very idea of prayer might be somewhat puzzling, and people in the pews doing it out loud might be enough to send some visitors home for good.
What kind of visitors? Kind and loving visitors seeking a relationship with God who have no idea and have not experienced what a typical church's practices might be.
When my son and I worshipped at a different Presbyterian church last summer, I was surprised by their "prayers of the people" time in the service. My PCUSA church does not have this at all.
Upshot: my gut level response, as a person in the pew, was definitely a feeling of exclusion. Like not being a member of their "club". Perhaps it was the way they handled it. I don't know. Or perhaps I was in an over sensitive state. I felt I was in a place I was not welcome. Of course the fact that they never called me after filling out 3 welcome cards and kept forgetting my name and face week after week didn't help either. But I did indeed feel "uncomfortable and excluded".
Our church has a time where people can offer up their own prayers out loud. The pastor is big on the issue that he is not the mediator for the prayers of the people in the congregation and encourages people to raise their own concerns. This is followed by silent prayer. That is followed by the pastor praying about concerns he knows about and then the Lord's Prayer.
I question Borden's judgment on this. If people are looking for authentic community then our prayers would be evidence of it. If people are looking for individualistic religiosity, we are probably not the best place for them.
I should also add that we don’t see corporate worship as central “advertisement” to get people into the church. We have been working hard to develop small groups that people are invited into. Many first time worshipers have already been because of other connections. From follow up interviews with both people who have stayed and left we have gotten high marks for making people feel welcome. However, worship is about the community coming to worship God, not a sales pitch.
So I think a lot comes back to how you see corporate worship and what are the other aspects of ministry in your corporate life?
I have to agree with Borden. This time can be especially exclusive if the leader is saying things like: "We thank God that Betty is home from the hospital" and while the members know exactly who Betty is (and why she was in the hospital)visitors would clearly be out of the loop. It also assumes and perhaps perpetuates a small congregation in that you could not ask 2000 to stand and share their concerns,nor could a pastor refer to people by name with that large a congregation or else they'd be there all day.
Having said this, we have a list in the bulletin (friends but mostly strangers) and I encourage people to take the list home and pray for these strangers through the week. But I also lift up a couple of names with visitors in mind in that I say something like "Hugh is a member of this community who had emergency surgery last week. He and his wife, Elsie ask for continued prayers." So, I don't do exactly what Borden suggests either. But I see his point.
We tried this for a bit of time in my small congregation, but it seemed kind of forced and never really caught on; nothings more awkward than asking and getting no response. I think I just might be in a congregation of introverts...
Having said that, I would imagine that just about anything we do in church has the potential to be off putting to visitors. That's sort of the nature of the beast. Sure there are things we can do to mitigate that (like jledminton's suggestion above clarifying an announcement or request) but I'm not sure we should be going around trying to change all our practices so that visitors feel 100% comfortable.
For example, one practice that I'm sure disturbs visitors is passing the peace, which we do after prayer of confession, but so many sneak in and out that it may be the only point of personal contact in the service. Perhaps pushing the envelop on the comfort level a bit may actually serve a larger purpose?
When my husband had surgery in Plano the church I attended with friends rather than having prayer requests early in the service they were collected during the offering and then read before Communion was shared that day. It was an inclusive act as one of the couple traveling with me shared a profound burden he was carrying. In this case and this situation as a visitor in a church, this man was able to express something that might not have been expressed in his home congregation. Just another side of the story...
Our church does both the written (for those who don't feel like speaking) and stand up speak into the mic prayer requests. I believe it is great to share in person because it puts a face to the prayer request. Sure it is not needed, God knows our hearts and who the request is for, but it is nice.
As for visitors, I've seen many visitors that see others sharing and feel comfortable enough to ask for prayers. I'm guessing many visitors to a new church have a reason for going.
It's the follow-up to the request that is just as important as the request itself. Congregation members talking with the visitors after service and the next time they meet. If the visitor isn't at the next weeks service, contacting them by phone.
Showing love and concern to visitors and members is the greatest way to display the loving nature of a congregation.
-Kyle
One of the churches that I visited while looking for a church does this - the congregation calls out concerns and joys and the pastor puts them together into a single coherent (and longish) prayer. As a visitor to that congregation I liked it - these folks really care about each other. I didn't feel excluded at all.
The congregation that I ultimately joined does it with prayer cards placed in the offering plate. A small team takes them out of the plate and prays over them at the end of the service around the piano (and others are invited to join them).
I liked it better the other way, but I can see how it could be a problem in a large congregation.
Given Dr. Borden's concentration on new disciples rather than those we already have, I can see his point. I just don't agree. The folks we already have are every bit as important as new folks and vice versa.
I'm with Toby Brown.
One congregation I serve is very vocal in sharing prayer requests and answers to prayer. It binds us together and I think it communicates love, concern, and sharing to visitors, a lot of whom are from the same community and would know the persons mentioned. To eliminate this would drastically change the climate of the congregation, which is growing.
Yep, I think Toby Brown is right, too. I've been in a lot of churches that do this and it appeals most to the more demonstative members, I think. And that's ok. I can't imagine that not knowing who "Betty" is would make me feel uncomfortable or excluded.
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