Christmas trees up, in the chancel,
weeks before Christmas
Snarky Pastor, Advent Nazi
Says "No carols for you!"
While all around the stores are filled
With “Jingle Bells” and “Deck the Halls”
Yet on sacred ground we dare not sound
That “Hark, the Herald Angels” song.
No Carols ‘til Christmas
What kind of church is this?
No carols ‘til Christmas
We never have any fun!
You want to sing "O Come O Come Emmanuel?"
We want Christmas, not Advent Carol Hell!
Little Timmy wants "Silent Night," please don't break his heart.
We're spoiling our son this Christmas, and you need to do your part.
And please sir,
my name is not Carol
and has never been
and if I don't get to sing at Advent
I'll commit a ghastly sin!!
Methinks the Advent Nazis do protest too much.
Why guard thou Christ's first coming with such ropes?
Have you ceded the field to
Lindsay, LaHaye et al
And therefore speak no
Second coming hope???
Let's not fight about the timing.
Santa's love is non-confining.
Skip out on the churchy fisticuffs and buy more gifts for the rest of us!
Other's don't care about music,
or greens.
Far be it for them to get into that scene
They don't need no Advent wreath.
Put those candles back in their sheath.
They just ring the cash box bell.
Have to make sure the merchandise sells,
Gotta meet that end-of-year target
or the Tar-mart store will soon be a flea market.
Well of course we can't sing!
Why, I've been such a jerk!!
All our time is required
helping with children's homework!
Jesus will just have to wait
for math, social studies, science, spelling, cursive, typing, reading and book reports to be done!
And maybe just maybe by midnight
Christmas Eve
we can sing to the Son.
And while we're talking about hymns, carols, greens, and holly;
Can we make our church service a little more jolly?
Instead of a confession, Scripture and a sermon,
how 'bout QG's 2006 Christmas song, some liturgical dance, and a nice poem?
That'll make all the visitors
feel like they're right at home.
For communion, why, all that body and blood stuff is such a downer
when we want to celebrate;
Perhaps instead some spiked eggnog in the cups,
and Santa sugar cookies on the plate;
And let's not forget on the Table the Nativity in gingerbread;
All of this, and the people will certainly feel fed.
Advent services? What on earth?
We must repent and ponder?
Sure, Jesus came to give us life,
But I'd like a little more mirth!
Please! I'd like a little more mirth!
Pondering is not my style.
Could we move this a little faster?
The guys are coming in a while,
Why'd we get a woman pastor?
Hey? Why'd we get a woman pastor?
We never did this stuff before,
Not when the men were leading,
I need to head out to the store,
We need some beer for drinking.
Yah, we need some beer for drinking!
The guys are here, with poker and ale,
Perhaps we're going
straight to H-ll,
But I think God will understand,
After all, he is a MAN!
Hey, after all he is a MAN!
Hold on, wait a minute.
The pastor said, brow furrowing.
There's no time for that stuff,
with Christmas Day approaching.
'God rest ye merry gentlemen',
we all should be singing.
Not complaining about the PNC,
or playing cards and drinking !!
The crowd would have grown ugly
if not for the fact
that the Lady Pastor had dropped her church key
as her grin widely spread
Then a party began, after thanks duly given
to the Lord for clergy so wise
and the cheer spread throughout
all the sad grumpy town
and Christmas then came as a happy surprise.
weeks before Christmas
Snarky Pastor, Advent Nazi
Says "No carols for you!"
While all around the stores are filled
With “Jingle Bells” and “Deck the Halls”
Yet on sacred ground we dare not sound
That “Hark, the Herald Angels” song.
No Carols ‘til Christmas
What kind of church is this?
No carols ‘til Christmas
We never have any fun!
You want to sing "O Come O Come Emmanuel?"
We want Christmas, not Advent Carol Hell!
Little Timmy wants "Silent Night," please don't break his heart.
We're spoiling our son this Christmas, and you need to do your part.
And please sir,
my name is not Carol
and has never been
and if I don't get to sing at Advent
I'll commit a ghastly sin!!
Methinks the Advent Nazis do protest too much.
Why guard thou Christ's first coming with such ropes?
Have you ceded the field to
Lindsay, LaHaye et al
And therefore speak no
Second coming hope???
Let's not fight about the timing.
Santa's love is non-confining.
Skip out on the churchy fisticuffs and buy more gifts for the rest of us!
Other's don't care about music,
or greens.
Far be it for them to get into that scene
They don't need no Advent wreath.
Put those candles back in their sheath.
They just ring the cash box bell.
Have to make sure the merchandise sells,
Gotta meet that end-of-year target
or the Tar-mart store will soon be a flea market.
Well of course we can't sing!
Why, I've been such a jerk!!
All our time is required
helping with children's homework!
Jesus will just have to wait
for math, social studies, science, spelling, cursive, typing, reading and book reports to be done!
And maybe just maybe by midnight
Christmas Eve
we can sing to the Son.
And while we're talking about hymns, carols, greens, and holly;
Can we make our church service a little more jolly?
Instead of a confession, Scripture and a sermon,
how 'bout QG's 2006 Christmas song, some liturgical dance, and a nice poem?
That'll make all the visitors
feel like they're right at home.
For communion, why, all that body and blood stuff is such a downer
when we want to celebrate;
Perhaps instead some spiked eggnog in the cups,
and Santa sugar cookies on the plate;
And let's not forget on the Table the Nativity in gingerbread;
All of this, and the people will certainly feel fed.
Advent services? What on earth?
We must repent and ponder?
Sure, Jesus came to give us life,
But I'd like a little more mirth!
Please! I'd like a little more mirth!
Pondering is not my style.
Could we move this a little faster?
The guys are coming in a while,
Why'd we get a woman pastor?
Hey? Why'd we get a woman pastor?
We never did this stuff before,
Not when the men were leading,
I need to head out to the store,
We need some beer for drinking.
Yah, we need some beer for drinking!
The guys are here, with poker and ale,
Perhaps we're going
straight to H-ll,
But I think God will understand,
After all, he is a MAN!
Hey, after all he is a MAN!
Hold on, wait a minute.
The pastor said, brow furrowing.
There's no time for that stuff,
with Christmas Day approaching.
'God rest ye merry gentlemen',
we all should be singing.
Not complaining about the PNC,
or playing cards and drinking !!
The crowd would have grown ugly
if not for the fact
that the Lady Pastor had dropped her church key
as her grin widely spread
past her cheeks to her car trunk
where a keg o' suds waited happily.Then a party began, after thanks duly given
to the Lord for clergy so wise
and the cheer spread throughout
all the sad grumpy town
and Christmas then came as a happy surprise.
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