Tuesday, May 02, 2006

QG for Mom of Congress

If you're like me, you can't stand listening to any more namecalling, fingerpointing, lying and general demagogery from Congresspersons of both political parties on the subjects of illegal immigration, the war in Iraq, and rising gas prices. They're acting like spoiled brats. Then it came to me: Congress needs a MOM! So I decided to run for the position.

If elected as Mom of Congress, I pledge to:

--take away their press conference and microphone privileges until they can prove they have actually read, studied and understood all aspects of these issues,

--send them to their rooms without supper until they apologize for grandstanding and misleading the public,

--remove the blackberries, cellphones and laptops from their sweaty little hands until they promise not to communicate in sound bites,

-- ground them from lunches, dinners, golf games and "fact-finding trips" with lobbyists from industry and special interest groups of all types--and needless to say, there will be no sleepovers,

--ban C-Span from televising Congressional 24/7 until Congresspeople learn to set a good example for the other children,

--make them talk to voters in "fly-over" country and write a report about what average Americans think as opposed to what the New York/Washington media says they think,

--not permit them to watch the "talking heads" on NBC, CNBC, MSNBC, CBS, PBS, ABC or Fox News OR to read the talking points memos faxed to their offices by the RNC or the DNC,

--write 100 times on the blackboard "It's not about ME". No, wait, make that 500 times.

In the event the above tried-and-true remedies don't work, then I promise to show up at their next Congressional session in my most embarrasing MOM outfit. The one Portia and Babs hated the most. YES! The bright pink and orange, rick-rack covered tiered Fiesta Dress with matching painted wooden earrings in the shape of a fruit basket. I know, I know--it's harsh, but sometimes a Mom has to practice Tough Love.

After I've whipped Congress into shape, then maybe I'll try running for Mom of the PCUSA.

25 comments:

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

wwwwhhhooooo hhhooooo!!! I need a freaken button to wear!!

~runs away to get her poster making supplies~

SpookyRach said...

Ha ha ha! This is so true! You have my vote and the votes of anybody else I can round up and "influence".

cats said...

you have my vote!!!

Rev Dave said...

QG for mom of Congress _and_ moderator of the PCUSA!!!! After all, moms are the masters of multitasking, right? Whereas I, a single guy, have a hard time walking the dog and chewing gum at the same time.

Michael W. Kruse said...

This fits perfectly with my theory that 90% of lifes problems can be solved by either Mom or food.

jledmiston said...

You have my vote too.
You are completely on target.

Classical Presbyterian said...

Yes, what we need in this country and denomination (which mirrors the country!) is Adult Supervision! And who would be better than a real-world mom?

But is spanking allowed?

Denis Hancock said...

I think your priority should be PC(USA) first, then the Congress.

And you have my vote, even if I have to register illegally in Texas. (I could move in with my parents in Houston, but I'm a little old for that...)

will spotts said...

You've got my vote too -- for both positions.

annie said...

You have my vote too!And I see by taking on Congress first, you believe in getting the toughest job done first!

Quotidian Grace said...

CP, spanking won't be necessary. I have perfected the Mom's Drop Dead look which is guaranteed to stop even the most obstreperous Congressperson in his/her tracks.

reverendmother said...

I love it!

Purechristianithink said...

You forgot about threatening to turn the limo around and go straight back home if they don't stop bickering.

net said...

I cast my vote for Quotidian Grace.

Greg Hazelrig said...

I think this idea just may work. :)

You go girl!! You've got my vote.

see-through faith said...

haven't watched any of it ofcourse, and I'm not sure non Americans have a vote

but the bed with no supper sounded so appropriate for politicans here that I'd vote for you if I'm allowed to that is

Sally said...

Me too I vote for you...even if I have no vote...I be a groupie on the campaign trail

jonboy said...

I'll vote for you. Lord knows somebody needs to straighten out those immature little brats.

St. Casserole said...

Good for you! I'm voting for ya!

Steph said...

Wouldn't it be nice if we actually COULD? You put it so well!

hipastorzwife2B said...

You know this would make a heck of a t-shirt...
I might even buy one.
And the profits could go to something worthwhile I'm sure.

mibi52 said...

Yes, yes, yes. As someone who is a Federal lobbyist, I see the bad behavior up close and personal on a regular basis. It has gotten worse and worse over the past several years (I thought it was bad when I was a staffer, but this is an exponential progression of bad behavior). They definitely need the parental glare (among other things). They also need to have their allowances taken away...

You have my vote!

Princess Dragon Mom said...

Where do I vote?

Serena said...

You definitely have my vote ... and can I work on your campaign committee?

Pastor Phil said...

You definitely have my vote!