Friday, December 10, 2010

Sappy Christmas Song 2010: Good Pastor Wendy Update

 So, QG's Gentle Readers have been quite busy adding stanzas to our Sappy Christmas Song, "Good Pastor Wendy", which is set to the tune of Good King Wenceslas. Our heroine must deal with a bankrupt church and a youth group held in custody by the sheriff for cruelty to the Christmas Ferrets. In her despair she entertains the idea of becoming (the horror!) a lawyer. 

To add insult to injury her credit card is rejected when she tries to shop online having given up on shopping in the mall (what with the youth group's troubles with the Christmas ferrets). And there will be no Christmas bonus this year.

Thanks to Robin, Nik, Reformed Catholic, earthchick and Moi for their contributions to this immortal ballad!!! If you have more, add them in the comments....

Good Pastor Wendy won't come out
of her little study,
She is feeling very stressed
Her Christmas spirit's cruddy.
Bills stack up  upon her desk,
The choir master quit her.
Church finances are a tangled mess,
Down her cheek there falls a tear.
--Quotidian Grace

Ey oop Wendy, cheer oop lass,
Thon's bin in worser pickles;
t'snow's piled high so light a fire
let flames yon bills to tickle...
t'choir man he wore tone deaf
of very little merit
Off thee go and have a pint
and play with yonder ferrets

Hello Wendy, cheer up,
things could be worse,
it's very snowy outside so get the fire on -
burn the bills.
the choir master wasn't particularly musical,
nothing to recommend anyway.
Go and have a beer
and play with those ferrets over there instead.]


Pastor Wendy wiped her eyes,
On her Christmas stocking,
Wondering if it could be time,
Just to head out walking.
Could there be another spot,
One less aggravating?
Could it be that she should look,
For a job less ja-aaaa-ding?
--Singing Owl

Wendy left her office cold,
headed for the Starbucks.
"Double-espresso choc-o grande,
with a shot of milk, Chuck !!"
Out the door she strode that day,
sipping on her coffee.
After Christmas, she did say,
another job I'll be seeking.
--Reformed Catholic

Pastor Wendy went downtown
Thought she'd look for presents
Ran into the youth group there
They were planning nonsense
All dressed up like reindeer they
Pranced around the food court
Singing loudly all the day:
Hallelujah Chorus!

From the pet store suddenly
Came the Christmas ferrets
As their cages they did flee
Absconding with some carrots.
Pastor Wendy quickly spied
The youth group chasing after
Shoppers screamed, so horrified
What a big Dis-aaa-ster!!
  -- Quotidian Grace

Pastor's Wendy's thinking
'Bout her days in D-school
All those late-life students
Thought it's fine to switch the rules.
Stops at Borders for a look
Maybe a career change?
Gets herself an L-SAT book
Knows that now she is de-ranged!


Ey-oop lass and hasten quick
T' ferrets have escap-ed
Yonder youth group's in the nick
For their daft-like capers:
Forced 't ferrets into Mall -
They danced around the Yule tree.
Alas thon youth group's all locked up:
Charged with animal cru-el-ty.

Oh gosh, best hurry
the ferrets have escaped.
The youth group have been put into prison:
they were really rather unkind to the wee ferrets
And made them dance around the Christmas tree in the mall.
Alas, the youth group have been locked up
because ferrets are sentient beings and really shouldn't be treated with such disrespect]


Wendy thought about those kids
chasing after polecats.
Wish they had such energy
at Sunday evening youth camp.
I better go and bail them out,
then go call their parents.
So off to the precinct thus she went,
forgetting to buy presents.
--Reformed Catholic

So Wendy went back to the Manse,
turned on her computer.
Amazon, Sears and HSN,
online shopping's easier.
No ferrets running all about,
or shoppers wild expressions.
Christmas wrappings only 3 bucks,
Shipped directly to-oo them.
--Reformed Catholic

Pastor Wendy's debit card
Sadly was rejected.
Her account was overdrawn,
Her balance sheet neglected.
Christmas bonuses were naught
For Wendy or her staff
When she once asked about them,
Everyone did laugh.


Nik said...

You're worried about the ferrets, right? I'd be more worried about the whippets... who may make an appearance a little later on - if I'm slacking off from the thesis
And just be thankful I'm writing in Yorkshirese and not in a Scots dialect... ;)

Reformed Catholic said...

Wendy sighed and went to bed,
"Its really time to leave now.
Stewardship is but a joke,
We're spending our reserves low.
Troubled dreams our Wendy had,
tossing all the night long.
Knowing that this Christmas Eve
May not have the he-eat on !!


Reformed Catholic said...

The weeks flew by 'fore Christmas Eve,
Wendy was so busy.
Planning Advent services,
left her in a tizzy.
Still the bills piled up each day,
Wendy was so frantic.
Will there be enough to pay,
for the food bank baskets ??