Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Grace's First Annual Christmas Gift Suggestions

You procrastinators out there are probably just starting to think about choosing gifts for the loved ones on your list or finding items to suggest to that special someone who likes to know in advance what you want. In the spirit of love, peace, and helpfulness I have been surfing the internet looking for unique items so you won't have to.

Herewith, Grace's First Annual Christmas Gift Suggestions:

1. Phone Excuse Machine. You're in your office on Friday trying to complete the sermon you must deliver on Sunday. Suddenly the phone rings and it's a congregant on the line who never uses 2 words if 20 can be found. What to do? Whip out this handy pocket gadget and press a button. Presto! A baby is crying! The doorbell rings! The car crashes! Sorry--gotta go. Now you or your clergy friends will have the perfect excuse for getting off the phone with minimal waste of time and no hard feelings.

2. Redneck Haiku: Doublewide Edition by Mary K. Witte. There are lots of poetry writers and poetry lovers in the RevGalBlogPals webring. Here's the perfect gift. Sample verses:

Betty Lou surprised
to learn you can get pregnant
in church parking lot.

Turkey fryer bought
from cable shopping channel
burns down trailer park.

3. Balloon Rides. Who wouldn't like to ride in a beautiful balloon? Figuring out what it costs is the real challenge here. Well, you know what they say: if you have to ask, you can't afford it.

4. Peter Petrie Egg Separator. Awed by the skillful chefs on the Cooking Channel who separate eggs for meringues with their bare hands? Or just grossed out? Here's the gadget for your friends who are Martha wanna-bees.

5. Jesus Talking Action Figure. Jesus can give you five different pithy sayings! If you're looking for a gift for your favorite Jewish friend for Hannukah, then check out the Moses Talking Action Figure. As you'll see, Moses looks just like Charleton Heston, but is "authentic".

Sidebar remark: Why are the toypresidents people making the Jesus and Moses figures? Interesting fact-- both the first edition of the Ronald Reagan and the Bill Clinton dolls are sold out. Create your own joke.

And finally....

6. The Bullie Bag. A collectible handbag for those who are rodeo-bound. Caution: this is not for your PETA-loving friends! The bag is made from what is removed when a bull becomes a steer...if you get my drift.

9 comments:

St. Casserole said...

Hahahaha!
I'm not sure which one is my favorite. I hope I get several of these choices under the Christmas tree....

net said...

Oh Grace! You sure can paint pictures with words! Kudos!

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

eeerrrmmm...I have seen one of the Bullie Bags. Yuck.

jean said...

I think the redneck Haiku could be a winner.

SpookyRach said...

EEEK! QG - I accidently posted a comment above under the name macaroni rooster. Can you remove it? (That's our Sunday School class' blog and while you are more than welcome to read it, I hate to be leaving my comments around the net under that name!)

Thanks!

Quotidian Grace said...

Rach--I deleted the comment. I did wonder who that was???How clever to have a Sunday School blog like that (I did peek). I'll have to keep that in mind.

reverendmother said...

I would love the excuse sound-effects thingy.

Interesting in re the haiku, at our staff Christmas party tomorrow night (which I may or may not attend) we give one another gifts of service. In the past I have done knitted items and it's almost killed me (even simple items, it breaks my heart that I don't have the time I used to for that). So this year I am giving the gift of a poem, song, parody or prayer for any occasion--birthday, staff/volunteer appreciation, etc. They give me the info and I'll put it together. Maybe I will buy the haiku book for inspiration.

John said...

I'm not sure that I would give that last present to my wife. It might give her ideas.

It would, on the other hand, make the perfect dicebag.

will smama said...

Gotta admit I thought you were joking and then it clicked in my head those were links! I need the action figure Jesus, but $30 is a bit pricey for a gag gift.