Friday, December 15, 2006

Pets Need Christmas, Too: A Sappy Christmas Song


C'est Fini!
~cue the steel gee-tars~

And grab your hanky. The Sappy Christmas Song is dedicated by Gannet Girl to the memory of Gretel, The Noble Dog, who surely would have walked away in disgust.

Pets Need Christmas, Too

'Twas lonely at the manse that Christmas Eve
As the pastor's dog waited under the tree
Buster's health was failing fast
When an angel came and asked
"Hey there Buster, I come to lift
Your sorry state with a heavenly gift"
She drew out a biscuit from her robe
And held it under Buster's nose.
"Smell this old friend, isn't it fine?
Guess what! It's 'Doggie Communion Time!!!"

Pets need Christmas too....
Just like me and Yoooooou....
When Santa lights Jesus' birthday cake......
Pets need Christmas too................

But the offering of that angel bright was not yet done,
For as soon as she had begun,
She served old Buster a dish of wassail true
And then, the dog did feel his strength returning,
Just then, with a flash of silken fur
The minister's cat, with a lordly purr
And a silver bell hung around his neck,
Announced, "No eggnog?! What the heck?"

Pets need Christmas too....
Just like me and Yoooooou....
When Santa lights Jesus' birthday cake......
Pets need Christmas too................

But cats are notoriously intrepid and brave
Especially when it's that eggnog they crave
And this one, with feline grace and speed
Leapt to the counter with little heed
For the cookies and cakes impeding her glide
And toward the vast bowl of eggnog did slide.
and drank deeply with kitty glee
and headed off to climb the Christmas tree

Pets need Christmas too....
Just like me and Yoooooou....
When Santa lights Jesus' birthday cake......
Pets need Christmas too................

But the nog had been spiked with whiskey,
(The pastor was not baptist, you see,)
Making the kitty rocky on his feet,
And seeing not one but two trees.
In one was her own dear mama
Dead these years gone by
She was hit in the road by an eggnog truck
And lives with that Lion in the sky.

Pets need Christmas too....
Just like me and Yoooooou....
When Santa lights Jesus' birthday cake......
Pets need Christmas too................

So I sing this sad song from the kitty stockade,
Awaitin' the hangin' tree:
I'm guilty of my sainted cat mama's death,
And as sorry as a drunk cat can be.
Dear Santa, if you're hearing my song,
Give my mama a message from me.
Tell her I'll look for her at the pearly gates,
And we'll go climb St. Pete's Christmas tree.

Pets need Christmas too....
Just like me and Yoooooou....
When Santa lights Jesus' birthday cake......
Pets need Christmas too................

Many thanks to our inspired sappy lyricists: Rev Dave, Presbyterian Gal, Toby Brown, jody too, purechristianithink, gannet girl, ceemac and Psalmist.

QG's virtual awards go to:

Psalmist
for contributing the last verse in which she managed to combine prison, death by hanging, a sainted mama, and St. Peter. Truly we are not worthy!

Presbyterian Gal for contributing the haunting refrain. Santa lighting Jesus' birthday cake?

Rev Dave (no blog) for setting the tone with the first two lines and starting us off.


15 comments:

jean said...

I'm truly speechless (0)!

DogBlogger said...

I think this may have led to my biggest laugh all week... unless it's tied with Real Live Preacher's
still-growing saga of white-elephant belly-button lint...

Songbird said...

It's kind of hard to know what to say to this...

Anonymous said...

I still like it better than 'Rudolph'....

Will it get in the new hymnal they are drafting?

zorra said...

Amie says: AhooooOOOOOOOOOO!

SpookyRach said...

And why the hell doesn't Rev Dave get a dang ol' blog already?

*grumble, grumble*

Presbyterian Gal said...

Read it to my mom. After choking back the gales of laughter, she said it oughta be put to music. Would probably be a big hit.

.....And all of us could collect our .50 royalty checks every Christmas......

Anonymous said...

I could actually try to do the music. It would be pretty easy, I think, if this were one of those spoken ballad style country songs. The refrain, however, needs to be sung, preferably with dog-howled and cat-yowled echoes. Yeah.

Justin said...

hey, the poem is just breath -taking!! lovely.

marry xmas!
n just njoy this video christmas pet bash!

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

Sounds like something David Allan Cole would sing....*giggles*

Now THAT is a Texas Christmas song!

Rev Dave said...

Rach:
'cuz if I had a blog, then you'd be asking, 'why doesn't Dave post to his blog more often?'

'Sides, I think you would find that I'm not very funny consistently, and ya'all would turn on me like a pack of rabid Texas chiuhuauas.

And...I think my soon-to-be-bride wants to spend some time with me occasionally...

Lurkingly yours,

Anonymous said...

ROFL!!!

Now, where is the one for CATS??

^^
oo
><

Deb

Sue said...

This is the BEST laugh I've had in weeks.

Thanks!!

And yes, we definitely need a cat version for next year.

Sally said...

Priceless- will there be more????

Quotidian Grace said...

I think this will have to become an annual tradition here at Quotidian Grace!