Osteen Reality TV

Are you ready for the Osteen Reality Show? Seriously. 

I'm not making this up. Apparently Lakewood Church co-pastors Joel and Victoria are besties with the producer of the CBS reality show Survivor and they are in discussions now to produce a new reality series about the Osteens and their mission trips around the country with Lakewood members. See the story in the Houston paper here.

So. The mind boggles. Mission trips as reality fare? What kind of faux drama will the producer want to inject into the show to boost ratings? Will there be competing teams? Prizes? Nefarious skullduggery? What will the show be called.

Stay tuned. As your humble chronicler of Houston Religious Oddities I promise to stay on top of the story.

Dance Your Shoes Off in Houston!

This is amazing! Two thousand people show up in Houston for this Flash Dance celebrating the resurrection of Christ organized by Second Baptist Church, which commissioned the song for the occasion. It's also a fundraiser: everyone wore new shoes and donated them after the dance. The donated shoes will go to local and international mission partners of the church!

Pole Dancing For Jesus in Houston

Thanks to my friend zorra for alerting me to the latest Houston Religious Oddity: Pole Dancing for Jesus. Really. I am not making this up.

See for yourself:

The print story is here. According to the dance leader, it's for Jesus because it takes place on Sundays after church and women have to show a church bulletin to get into the class. Plus they dance to Christian music. And it helps get the "stigma" out.

Emergent church or oddity? You make the call.

Houston's New Theological Library

Houston plaintiff's attorney, Mark Lanier, has created a theological library in Northwest Houston that open to scholars who want to do serious research. Lanier is a Baptist who has taught a very popular basic Bible literacy Sunday School class at his church for many years. The Houston Chronicle had a nice article about it today.

The library has an extensive collection, including a fragment of one of the Dead Sea Scrolls (from the book of Isaiah) as well as some other artifacts,  and is continuing to aquire books. It also sponsors a series of lectures brought by scholars from different fields as you will see if you go to the website that I linked above.

In addition to the library, there is a replica of a Byzantine chapel on the grounds:

It looks like a wonderful resource for our area. I'm looking forward to visiting it soon!

Lakewood Fashion Extravaganza

It's been a while since QG has brought you a Lakewood update. I know my Gentle Readers have been wondering what's up over there. Last week there was a report on one of the local TV stations about the Lakewood Women's ministry style show and fashion extravaganza which benefited Victoria Osteen's charity for children's literacy.

You know I had to check it out! So I found a behind-the-scenes video promoting the event on You Tube. Whatever else you can say about Lakewood, they are certainly internet-savvy. Enjoy!!

Fabulous Texas Size Organ Debuts in Houston

Today's newspaper carried a front page story about the new pipe organ that has just been finished and installed at the Co-Cathedral of the Sacred Heart in downtown Houston. It made me think about my Dad, who loved all things pipe organ-ish, and how excited he would have been about it.

It is truly Texan in size: 5,499 pipes, 11 tons of metal, 75 stops and 45 feet high!

The organ has a name, Opus XIX, and its very own webpage! On the webpage you not only find a lot of details about the organ--which is massive and has some exciting new technology--but also information about concerts and events at the Co-Cathedral that feature Opus XIX. Some of the events are free and some have a minimal charge and you can buy tickets from the webpage. I bet every organist in the world would love a chance to try it out!

Opus XIX's slogan is: For Worship, For Music, For Education. I can't wait to hear it! Until then, here's a You Tube Clip of my Dad's favorite Bach organ piece:

Book Review: Days of Fire and Glory

When I read a note on Presbyweb about Days of Fire and Glory: The Rise and Fall of a Charismatic Community by Julia Duin, I was intrigued because the book was by the well-known religion editor for the Washington Times and the subject was an Episcopal church in Houston (The Church of the Redeemer).

The book is about the rise and fall of the powerful renewal that began in 1964 in that church, led by a charismatic (in every sense of the word) priest: Graham Pulkingham. Duin moved to Houston in 1984, just as that renewal peaked and then crashed and burned amid the personal failings of Pulkingham and other key leaders of the church.

I was totally unfamiliar with Church of the Redeemer and this period in its history before reading the book. As a Houstonian of more than 30 years, I found it fascinating to read about the evangelical renewal that was sparked in Houston's East End in the 1960's through the mid 1980's.

Fascinating, and also profounding disturbing because of the way the renewal developed cult-like aspects such as an almost worshipful devotion to Pulkingham; authoritarian leadership; and unquestioning obedience of arbitrary and controlling rules for those who lived in community. In fact it was so disturbing that I had to put this book aside a few times to digest what I was reading. The revelation of the scandals that rocked the church at the end of the renewal period are sadly predictable, but to me less important than Duin's account of the way the congregation moved to the brink of idolatry of their priest.

Duin carefully researched the book and conducted innumerable interviews from which she puts together the historical narrative of this movement. Clearly this book is a very personal journey of catharsis and attempt at understanding the entire experience for the author, since she was a member of the Church of the Redeemer and a participant in some of the events she relates.

Psalms admonishes "put not your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save. (Psalm 146:3) ." The lesson of Days of Fire and Glory is never check your critical intelligence at the door of the church and place all your trust in the mortals who are the leaders of the church. There's a fine line between following an inspirational leader and falling into idolatry. A line that was crossed in this case with tragic results for everyone involved--particularly for the families of Pulkingham and other leaders.

Twitter Worship Follies

From Sunday's Houston Chronicle article Praise for Technology --Tweeting during worship services gets blessing of pastors:

(Pastor Kerry) Shook, of the nondenominational Woodlands Church, is still easing into Twitter. During the first interactive service, his wife, Chris, took questions from the congregation via Twitter, and he contributed a tweet of his own: “Chris Shook looks really hot tonight!”

His son tweeted in response: “please don't broadcast your attraction to mom across Twitter — kind of embarrassing.”

Shook is learning through experience.

“I forgot it went out to the whole twittersphere. I was so embarrassed...,” the pastor said. “But I can see this becoming a real part of the service.”

Gentle Readers, I rest my case.

From those that tweet twitter and text in worship
And cell phones that ring the Aggie War Hymn during silent prayer
Good Lord Protect Us!

Cheesus

From the Department of Sacred Food Relics, QG's Houston Bureau of Religious Oddities is proud to report that a Cheesus was found in a bag of Cheetos sold in a local convenience store.

Here's the story from a local TV station.

A quick search of You Tube revealed this is just one of many recent Cheesuses found in the past couple of years, including one previous Houston sighting. So what is Frito-Lay trying to tell us?

An Encouraging Word

This just in from the Department of Houston Religious Oddities, Osteen Watch Bureau.

The Osteens are now selling their very own Bible.

It comes with notes and "encouragement" from Lakewood Church Co-Pastors Joel and Victoria.

Especially the encouragement to buy it. $25 plus tax.

Anti-Christ in Houston Song

Clever readers Kyle and Reformed Catholic wrote a song in the comments to my post Anti-Christ in Houston.

Of course it is a country-western song! In case you missed the comments, here it is:

The anti-christ went down to Texas
Because he was loosing his assets in a divorce deal
Being forced to leave the home
His ex-wife won in a steal. ( courtesy of Kyle)

Chorus: (courtesy of Reformed Catholic)

The anti-christ is down here, run boys run
(fiddle solo)
He's trying to avoid paying a large sum.
(fiddle riff)
Sitting in Houston, hiding that dough
(fiddle riff)
What he's done with it, no one knows!
(fiddle)

Anyone care to add a verse?

Self-Proclaimed Anti-Christ In Houston

This just in from the Houston Chronicle: Former evangelist Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda-- who first proclaimed himself to be Jesus Christ Returned and then changed his mind (!) and proclaimed himself the Anti-Christ-- is now mired in legal problems involving his divorce from his wife.

Can you imagine? A Florida court ruled that his church is not a church but a personal business and awarded half of its assets to his estranged wife. Apparently the self-styled Anti-Christ is alive, well and hiding out in Houston.

Just so you know.

Heard Over the Coffee Cups...

So this morning El Jefe and I are having breakfast with the TV on to an early morning news show.

Victoria Osteen* is being interviewed, flacking her new children's books.

QG: "She is really good at happy talk. She could have been a successful investment banker."

El Jefe: "But then she wouldn't have made as much money."

~rim shot~

*Co-pastor, Lakewood Church, Houston

Lakewood Updates

The Defender called in last night with an Osteen report from the Texan-Dolphins game.

Yesterday morning she spotted a big mobile home with a huge TV screen in the tailgating area of the parking lot. Gathered around the screen was a party-hearty gang, beers and other adult beverages in hand, watching Joel Osteen preach in HD.

"Did they think watching Joel on TV while partying at the game counted as going to church?" she asked.

In other Lakewood-related news (just in time for Christmas!) Lakewood Church co-pastor Victoria Osteen has written a book, too. The Houston Chronicle reported this yesterday under the headline "Victoria's Secret--God Thinks You're Special".

~groan~

Osteen Verdict

I know you've been waiting with baited breath for the result of the Osteen trial that began last week.

Here it is: the jury unanimously found that Victoria Osteen did not assault the flight attendant.

Here's what went down in the trial:

• one of the plaintiff's co-workers testified that there was an assault (legalese for unwanted touching)
  
• one of the plaintiff's witnesses, who had previously said there was an assault, changed her testimony under oath and said Victoria Osteen never touched her
• a witness for the defense, a fellow employee of the plaintiff, recounted an incident in which the plaintiff had wrongfully accused her of assault
  
• the plaintiff's attorney played the race card and the class card
  
• the plaintiff seems to have dropped her claim that the incident caused her hemorrhoids to flare up
• the plaintiff wanted the jury to award her over $400K for "loss of faith"
• the foreman of the jury said that the jury thought the lawsuit should never have been brought
• one of the jurors said that if they could have awarded court costs and attorneys fees to the Osteens, they would have
• Osteen's response to the verdict was "Thank you, Jesus"
  

Of course outside of the controlled court environment there was wailing and gnashing of teeth for the benefit of the media--especially on behalf of the plaintiff. The defense attorney was relatively restrained calling the case "extortion dressed up as a lawsuit."

And really, it was a ridiculous waste of time and the resources of the court. If I were Mom of the Court, they would all have been so grounded.

Osteens In Court

As your faithful, albeit self-appointed, correspondent on All Things Osteen, it is my duty to report that the civil lawsuit brought against Victoria Osteen (co-pastor of Lakewood Church) by the flight attendant she allegedly shoved goes to court in Houston today. Victoria has already paid a fine to the FAA in connection with the incident. Joel is expected to testify.

The flight attendant says the incident caused her to have "anxiety and hemorrhoids" and that it affected her faith. I'll bet. (Bad QG!) Osteen's attorney is the most renowned criminal defense attorney in the city, so I guess she thought she needed more than God on her side. (naughty QG--cut it out!)

I'll keep you posted.

Update note: I forgot to include the hemorroids allgegation when I first posted. Thanks to commenter Questing Parson for pointing that out!

Battle of the Books

Joel Osteen's latest book, Become a Better You, hit the bookstores this week to the tune of 2.5 million copies. Apparently the book is an edited collection of his sermons.

Watch for Become a Better You to challenge Eat, Pray, Love for supremacy on the New York Times best-seller list. That Osteen marketing machine is awesome. You heard it here first!

The Houston Chronicle is treating us to a series of excerpts from the book this week which is running in the (what else?) Lifestyle section. Which presents me with an ethical dilemma.

Bad QG: I could read the excerpts and write a review based on them without having to buy the book!

Good QG: That would be wrong. You shouldn't review a book you didn't read in its entirety.

Bad QG: But if I read the whole book, it would probably get my goat and then I'd have to invoke the Goat Exception and write a negative review.

Good QG: Deliver me from temptation, Lord.

The struggle continues....

The Gospel According To Tammy Faye

From the QG Department of Houston Religious Oddities:

The Gospel According To Tammy Faye, a new musical, debuts at the Alley Theatre in Houston this weekend. The performances are being staged by a local Methodist church with proceeds benefiting the church's support network to assist those affected by HIV/AIDS.

You might think that this musical is a SNL- style parody of the famous televangelist--her hair, makeup, propensity to shed tears, and general over-the-toppedness. Not so. Apparently the playwright and composer, both of whom are gay, intend a sympathetic portrayal of her rise from poverty to the lavish lifestyle a televangelist, the fall after her husband Jim Bakker was imprisoned and their ministry bankrupted, and her re-emergence as a gay-friendly, albeit fundamentalist Christian public figure now battling cancer.

They're hoping to take the play to Broadway eventually.

Our Lady of the Pizza Pan

Our Lady of the Pizza Pan appeared mysteriously on Ash Wednesday at a Houston area elementary school and is now the object of veneration by hundreds. The school banished the miraculous pan when the crowds coming to the school's cafeteria interfered with the daily routine. No, I'm not making this up: Here's the complete story.

Brought to you by the QG Bureau of Houston Religious Oddities.