Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Mom Of Congress: Field Trip to IRS Today!

Memo to: Congress Boys and Girls
From: CongressMom
Re: Today's Field Trip to the IRS

Boys and Girls, CongressMom is very sad and disappointed. President Obama sent a note home telling me that some of you are not conscientiously doing your chores. The President says you seem to think that you don't have to follow the rules that you write for everyone else and are setting a very bad example for the rest of the class--er, country.

So CongressMom has decided to take all of you on a field trip. To the Internal Revenue Service. A fleet of my mini-vans (energy efficient hybrids!) will pick you up at your offices at 11 am this morning.

Our program will begin with a presentation by the Commissioner on your responsibility for paying taxes. It will be followed with a presentation by El Jefe who will demonstrate the mountains of tax schedules he fills out each year as a self-employed individual and show why it is that he, a trained attorney, is unable to complete these forms without paying a CPA to help him.

Afterwards you will be assigned to a small groups by state where discussion will be led by a taxpayer from your state. The topic for discussion is: Those Who Write The Tax Laws Must Abide By Them. Actually, YOU won't get to discuss. Just listen and take notes.

We'll break for lunch which you will have in the IRS Time Out Room. No talking during lunch, Boys and Girls! The IRS will serve you Hard Crusts of Regret that you can soften in their famous Gruel of Repentence.

Then each of you will have your own personal interview with an IRS Agent, so be sure to bring your tax records and receipts for the past 10 years. Oh, and don't forget your checkbooks!

CongressMom hopes that everyone will be paid in full by the end of the day because anyone who is still delinquent in their tax obligations will not be coming back to Congress with us. The IRS has special plans for those Boys and Girls. Trust me, you don't want to find out what they are. And don't think that whining to the President will save you. He's really disgusted.

CongressMom's vans will be at the foot of the Congressional Office Buildings at 11 am sharp. Be there on time, Boys and Girls! Or else the Commissioner will send his special agents to find you.

12 comments:

Mac said...

Would that this could happen! As SWMBO said to me after the dual announcements yesterday, "Are they idiots? They want all the rest of us to give them more money to play with, but they won't ante up. Maybe "Joey Joey from Sout Philly" needs to pay them a visit."

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

I pay my taxes so does that mean I get to take during lunch? ~grins~

esperanza said...

Genius, pure genius. I'm definitely voting for you for Mom of Congress.

And the self-employment taxes? We pay a CPA, too. It is worth the stress and pulled-out-hair.

Averill said...

Hilarious Moomie! Dave and I are dutifully starting our tax return this weekend...blech.

Quotidian Grace said...

Mindy--

You can not only talk during lunch, you can lead the small group "discussion" for the Texas delegation.

Rev Kim said...

Love it! Can you also include a presentation on making clergy taxes easier? Because we also pay a CPA *just so we don't overlook anything and pay the correct amount*, because something tells me that the IRS wouldn't be as kind and gentle with us as they have been with Geithner and Daschle.

Presbyterian Gal said...

Oh! Oh! *raises hand* I want to be a special agent!!!

....and re: the Boys and Girls who are not paid in full.....why now I know what Guantanemo can be used for!!!

Jane Ellen+ said...

One more suggestion: After returning from the field trip, the class ought to write essays about what they learned. Extra credit will be given for plans to change the tax code so Real People can cope with it.


We've paid taxes for more than 30 years (if you count high school jobs). We have been audited once in that time-- and when it was all over, the IRS owed us money. The paperwork is miserable and CPA-worthy complicated and it's only getting worse; but honesty ain't that tricky.

reverendmother said...

Awesome, Grace. Very clever.

BTW, I love your daughter's blog. Very clever as well, and educational for those of us who are clueless about fashion and home d├ęcor!

Gannet Girl said...

This is hysterical. I would happily pay you my refund to go and take care of these bozos.

ElastiGirl said...

if only... it is so ridiculous that they cannot hire CPAs themselves to take care of their stuff!

stinuksuk said...

Clever, clever QG!!!!
Where would we be with CPA's to help us all out?
Am just getting started on my tax stuff. An ordeal every year.
The only bright(?) spot - we'll be carrying losses for years to come!!!!
Maybe there will come a time when there will be a tax revolt by the people, for the people.