Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Fourth Annual Sappy Christmas Song Contest: First Update

Here's the first update of our Fourth Annual Sappy Christmas Song Contest:

~tune of Hark the Herald Angels Sing~

Mark and Gerald Engel sing
"Gosh almighty! It's Christmas time again"
Time to wear the suit of red
at least that's what our mall boss said
Stain resistant Santa pants
"Gimme", "Gimme" children chants
With the parents loud proclaim
"I wanna take the picture again!!!"
Mark and Gerald Engel sing
"Gosh almighty! It's Christmas time again"
--Presbyterian Gal

Mark’s the Chairman of the Board;
Gerry was VP at Ford.

Now to retail quick they come.

Will the season be a bomb?

Putting stuff where all can see

For sale with trusty Master C.
Barbie, Legos stuff from Dell!
Having stuff is really swell.
Buy a watch or buy a ring--

Commerce is this season’s King!


Santa's mall village looks so fine,
The children begin to fall in line.
To ask for what their heart's desire;

Toys and games of which they'll soon tire.
Gerry smoothes her freshly coifed hair;
Mark takes his place in Santa's chair.
Seeing in line the first little girl,
Mark thinks that he's going to hurl.

For Susie with no shoes and cough;

This morning, her parents Mark laid-off.

--Rev. Kim

Mark killed puppies, squirrels and kitties.
Into prison he was sent.
There he met his best friend, Bubba,

Who took him for his last red cent.

Oh, the woe and tragedy,
Now the Guv has set him free.

No job, so Momma’s is his flop.

But Gerry wants a home to mop.

This Santa gig is his last hope,

So on a train they can elope.


Mark's still sitting on the chair
All these kids, its starting to wear.
Gerry ushers to and fro

Kid to mom says, "I have to go"

Mom (on line for over an hour):

"you can wait .. Look its Santa's tower"

Up on the chair little Sammy goes,
over Santa's pants, poor Sammy flows.

Mark the mops will soon be here,
Time to feed those tiny raindeer.

--Reformed Catholic

Wow! So far our song contains worry about the commercialization of Christmas; unemployed parents and sick children; animal abuse, prison, mama and a train (where's the rain?); and an incontinent toddler. Somewhere along the way Gerald morphed into Geraldine (aka/Gerry). We're not going to inquire further...just press on!

Well done, all! But I'm sure there will be MORE. Put it in the comments.


Reformed Catholic said...

Sales are down, the stores lament,
Shoppers moan, my money's spent.
Mark and Gerry save their earnings
Credit card use they are spurning.
Looking toward that Christmas Day,
Spending time with family,
In the meantime Mark still sits
and kids still fuss, and cry, throw fits.
Mark the line is almost done,
Time to pack up and head for home.

Reformed Catholic said...

Come on people, there has to be some more sappy lyrics out there !! ;)