Monday, December 07, 2009

Fourth Annual Sappy Christmas Song Contest: Rules and First Stanza

Welcome to QG's Fourth Annual Sappy Christmas Song Contest!

~applause applause~

The contest is inspired by the Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest and its motto: "where w.w.w. means wretched writers welcome!"

Each year my Gentle Readers are invited to contribute their own deathless lyrics in a group effort to create the sappiest, most sentimental and generally execrable Christmas Song of the year.

Here are the rules of the contest:
  • QG will post a beginning stanza--this year contributed by our own Presbyterian Gal (take a bow!). If your muse is with you, add a stanza or lines of your own in the comments.
  • QG will post updates as the 2009 Sappy Christmas Song evolves and you may continue adding verses in the comments.
  • When, in the sole judgment of QG, the Song seems complete, or I am tired of it, the entire song will be posted and prizes will be awarded. The prizes will be inspired by the contributions--so be creative!
This year's Sappy Christmas Song will be sung to the tune of Hark, the Herald Angels Sing.


Mark and Gerald Engel sing
"Gosh almighty! It's Christmas time again"
Time to wear the suit of red
at least that's what our mall boss said
Stain resistant Santa pants
"Gimme", "Gimme" children chants
With the parents loud proclaim
"I wanna take the picture again!!!"
Mark and Gerald Engel sing
"Gosh almighty! It's Christmas time again"

Now it's YOUR turn! What tear-inducing tales of woe will the children tell the Engels? Who will melt down first--the Santas or the kids or the parents? Who will create a stanza that combines trains, momma, puppies, kitties, prison, rain and tragedy? Check the comments to find out...


Mac said...

Mark’s the Chairman of the Board;
Gerry was VP at Ford.
Now to retail quick they come.
Will the season be a bomb?
Putting stuff where all can see
For sale with trusty Master C.
Barbie, Legos stuff from Dell!
Having stuff is really swell.
Buy a watch or buy a ring--
Commerce is this season’s King!

Rev Kim said...

Santa's mall village looks so fine,
The children begin to fall in line.
To ask for what their heart's desire;
Toys and games of which they'll soon tire.

Gerry smoothes her freshly coifed hair;
Mark takes his place in Santa's chair.
Seeing in line the first little girl,
Mark thinks that he's going to hurl.

For Susie with no shoes and cough;
This morning, her parents Mark laid-off.

Mac said...

Mark killed puppies, squirrels and kitties.
Into prison he was sent.
There he met his best friend, Bubba,
Who took him for his last red cent.
Oh, the woe and tragedy,
Now the Guv has set him free.
No job, so Momma’s is his flop.
But Gerry wants a home to mop.
This Santa gig is his last hope,
So on a train they can elope.

Just couldn't fit in "rain." Darn!

Reformed Catholic said...

UM ... how did Gerald get turned into Geraldine ??

Wait, don't want to go there. Back to Gerald ;)


Mark's still sitting on the chair
All these kids, its starting to wear.
Gerry ushers to and fro
Kid to mom says, "I have to go"
Mom (on line for over an hour):
"you can wait .. Look its Santa's tower"

Up on the chair little Sammy goes,
over Santa's pants, poor Sammy flows.
Mark the mops will soon be here,
Time to feed those tiny raindeer.


Quotidian Grace said...

We're not asking how or why Gerald changed sexes, oh no!

Good try, Mac--very very close.

Presbyterian Gal said...

There are many bases covered here! Santa will be proud.

Nik said...

And for something new this year
they've produced some real 'rain'deer.
But the blighters are quite randy:
kiddies shocked in mall ain't dandy.
Tabloid press are all outraged,
meanwhile reindeer get engaged.
Lawsuits flying everywhere
and some kid's nicked Santa's hair.

*'rain'deer... geddit, huh, huh?* :)