Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Fourth Annual Sappy Christmas Song Contest: the Podcast

I have a special surprise and thank you for all my Gentle Readers. I made a podcast of our 2009 Sappy Christmas Song which you can listen to by going here.

You can follow along by reading the lyrics;

~tune of Hark the Herald Angels Sing~

Mark and Gerald Engel sing
"Gosh almighty! It's Christmas time again"
Time to wear the suit of red
at least that's what our mall boss said
Stain resistant Santa pants
"Gimme", "Gimme" children chants
With the parents loud proclaim
"I wanna take the picture again!!!"
Mark and Gerald Engel sing
"Gosh almighty! It's Christmas time again"

--Presbyterian Gal

Mark’s the Chairman of the Board;
Gerry was VP at Ford.
Now to retail quick they come.
Will the season be a bomb?
Putting stuff where all can see
For sale with trusty Master C.
Barbie, Legos stuff from Dell!
Having stuff is really swell.
Buy a watch or buy a ring--
Commerce is this season’s King!


Santa's mall village looks so fine,
The children begin to fall in line.
To ask for what their heart's desire;
Toys and games of which they'll soon tire.
Gerry smoothes her freshly coifed hair;
Mark takes his place in Santa's chair.
Seeing in line the first little girl,
Mark thinks that he's going to hurl.
For Susie with no shoes and cough;
This morning, her parents Mark laid-off.

--Rev. Kim

Mark killed puppies, squirrels and kitties.
Into prison he was sent.
There he met his best friend, Bubba,
Who took him for his last red cent.
Oh, the woe and tragedy,
Now the Guv has set him free.
No job, so Momma’s is his flop.
But Gerry wants a home to mop.
This Santa gig is his last hope,
So on a train they can elope.


Mark's still sitting on the chair
All these kids, its starting to wear.
Gerry ushers to and fro
Kid to mom says, "I have to go"
Mom (on line for over an hour):
"you can wait .. Look its Santa's tower"
Up on the chair little Sammy goes,
over Santa's pants, poor Sammy flows.
Mark the mops will soon be here,
Time to feed those tiny raindeer.

--Reformed Catholic

And for something new this year
they've produced some real 'rain'deer.
But the blighters are quite randy:
kiddies shocked in mall ain't dandy.
Tabloid press are all outraged,
meanwhile reindeer get engaged.
Lawsuits flying everywhere
and some kid's nicked Santa's hair.


Sales are down, the stores lament,
Shoppers moan, my money's spent.
Mark and Gerry save their earnings
Credit card use they are spurning.
Looking toward that Christmas Day,
Spending time with family,
In the meantime Mark still sits
and kids still fuss, and cry, throw fits.
Mark the line is almost done,
Time to pack up and head for home

-Reformed Catholic

Outside the mall a dachsie dog
Thrown from a car like it was a log,
Was crying so piteously
Mark hastened to the parking lot to see.
Several people gathered round
To try to help the little hound
Mark knelt down and patted its head
He saw it was needing to be fed
"Pup, you're coming home with me,
You'll be the kids' gift under the tree."


Upon arrival that dachsie dog
Headed for a swim in the egg nog
Mark laughed, "least its non-alcoholic"
"better the nog, then him having colic"!
"I'm going out to the Petco store,
and get him some toys to chase and gnaw.
How about some antler's and a red nose?
The kids will love that dog's raindeer pose."
"Mark, better not forget the food,
He's already chewed your Italian shoes !!

--Reformed Catholic

Mark went off to buy dog food,
then to the mall to get some shoes.
Came back home to another surprise,
a kitten that Gerry found outside.
"Poor thing was meowing proudly,
outside the neighbor's front door, and loudly.
Neighbor said she's allergic to cats,
Temps dropping fast, he'll freeze in that.
Mark, I had to bring him in,
he'll get along fine with dachie & kin.

--Reformed Catholic

Mark then noticed the dachsie's girth,
Holy cow, soon she's going to give birth!
Must prepare for this coming litter,
How 'bout some bling, they'll really glitter!
Through the din, a knock at the door,
There stood shoeless Susie, so poor!
"Sir, can you help my family and me,
We have naught, not even a tree.
Needy children without, and puppies a'coming within;
Mark wondered, is there room at my inn?

--Rev Kim

Then the heavens opened wide
As Herald Angels flew inside
“Fear not, mall Santas,” the angels sing
“Do not worry about anything.
God will provide for all your needs,
You’re saved by faith and not by deeds.
Needy children, dachsie dogs
Sleeping kitties by the fireside’s logs
Will all rejoice on Christmas day,
Hail Jesus’ won’drous birth we say!”


Now Mark and Gerald Engel sing
Glory to this "animal" thing
Let's give Susie the Italian shoes,
Cause her feet are singin' the blues
No more Santa pants to wear
soaked by kids from here to there
Another season we've survived
Lucky to still just be alive
We, Mark and Gerald Engel sing,
Glory to the whole darned thing!!!!

--Presbyterian Gal

Check in tomorrow when you will have the chance to vote for your favorite contributor! This year there will be a REAL prize in addition to the virtual ones....


Deb said...


How did I miss this contest? Hmmm... will have to make sure I keep it in mind for next year. :)

Presbyterian Gal said...


I love the song! And my hat is off to you for singing that whole thing in your lovely voice!

I want to download it to my iTunes for years to come!!

Quotidian Grace said...


PG--I uploaded it to iTunes as a podcast. I think if you search for Quotidian Grace or Jody Harrington you will find it and can download it. Not sure its a performance for the ages, though!

SingingOwl said...

OH SHUCKS! How did I miss getting in on this for 2009?? always (even without any input from me...haha)

Rev Kim said...

Thanks for doing that! It was great!

You gave it such class with your beautiful voice.