Thursday, December 11, 2008

Sappy Christmas Song--Third Update

Our 2008 Sappy Christmas Song is really taking shape! Our newest stanzas are from Sappy Lyricists Singing Owl, Presbyterian Gal, Reformed Catholic and Averill (a/k/a Portia):

It’s the eleventh hour on Christmas Eve,

the north pole stars are all a’twinkle.
But Santa Claus just looks like hell

as he wishes for Rip Van Winkle.
He lost all his operating capital
trusting CFO elves Fannie and Freddy.
Paulson turned him down with an evil sneer
Now at midnight he won’t be ready!

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

The other elves have gone on strike

Because he cannot pay them.

There's no more food the reindeer like
How will he ever feed them?

And Mrs. Claus is crying there

In a big heap upon the stair

Oh Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Santa's credit line, is all used up
he has no recourse waiting.
The picket line is keeping his

deliveries from mailing.

The Teamsters will not cross the line,

it looks like its scab hiring time.

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Fred forgot to winterize
Santa’s sleigh this season,
The reins are stuck, the seats are cracked,
the runners they are freezin’.
De-icing fluid we can’t find

because of strikes at the potash mine,
O Santa sleigh, filled with gifts, you ain’t going nowhere.

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Oh, orders from the USA,
They surely are a-tumblin’.

The kiddies and their parents, too,

Have taken to a-grumblin’.
Transferred jobs to cheaper elves,
And bank accounts now gone to…well,

Ol’ Nick had better recognize

Out-sourcin’ can be humblin’.

Oh, Citibank, oh Citibank
My 401 is failing!

So Santa took a ride to buy
A drink to numb his noggin
But he drove by a cheesy sight
And soon he was a sobbin'
In someone's yard, quite full of snow,
He saw a sight that made him slow
Cash overflowed from a leather bag
after a meth house's bust forgot that swag.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

Now Santa's hired laid off folks,
to deliver all the gifts
Though the elves suits were not their size,
And not a comfy fit.
By noon on Christmas Day now,
Santa's sipping brandied hot choc-o-late,
Flipping through the MLS,
looking for retirement real estate.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

That great old tune, O Tannebaum,
is ringing through the city
Its Christmas Day, and while kids play,
Mrs Santa says, "no self-pity !!"
Get on that Sleigh, and head due south,
To Washington and get bailed out.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

With Santa waiting on his bailout,
We're all left to shop at Walmart
Moms tell their kids "without a doubt,
your grand dreams you'll have to part.
With our all savings down the tubes,
Expect no more Wiis or Game Cubes.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
My 401 is failing!

I sense a big surprise finish coming up! Who will write it? If you're inspired, leave your contribution in the comments. And if you're not--check back to see how the song develops.


Reformed Catholic said...

Politics .... as usual,
what else is new in D.C.
Concessions here, obfuscation there, another day in D.C.
So Santa waits another hour,
while kids expect a Lego tower.

Reformed Catholic said...

So Santa gets his bailout cash,
and North Pole, Inc is working.
And Mrs. Claus is busy in
the kitchen baking cookies
Their retirement plans, they've
put away.
He needs to work, another day.

O Citibank, O Citibank,
my 401 is failing!

So as we gather Christmas Eve
lets think of those less lucky.
And Him who made lame beggers walk,
the blind see, the dumb talk.
Good will toward men*,
the angels sang.
Glory to God .. sing it every day.


FWIW ... I was on a roll, and just kept going !!

Quotidian Grace said...

Outstanding, RC!

I wrote another stanza last night that I'll put in the appropriate place:

Santa's not giving up with out a flight,
Rudolph is dispatched into the night
To seek pecuniary relief
From the Fed Reserve's chairman in chief
Bernacke's the man who has the clout
To save Santa's ride without a doubt!